letting go

...so okay, it's 2012 and all. It's definitely time for things to change. After everything that did and didn't happen, I realized that there's no more room for nth chances. It's time to let go of negative feelings. I guess.

Here's a song that I really really love. Enjoy!

Anthem by Urbandub

I'm mapping the routes to take
Preparing ways for quiet
And some proper conversation
When everything is seen so clearly now
I'd like to think
We can be honest with ourselves
Sleepless nights
When your memory consumed me
But they all have been long gone

I'm so much more
Than what you cared to see
You drove me away
Now I can move forward
Move forward
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/u/urbandub/anthem.html ]
Missed chance and mistakes
How were we to know
That it would end when we began?
The times we've wasted
Will never return again
Sleepless nights
When your memory consumed me

I'm so much more
Than what you cared to see
You drove me away
Now I can move forward
Move forward

There's no time and no name
Here for us now
I'm sorry but we're much too late

My December

I have to admit 2011 has been one of the toughest years of my life. Although there were happy moments in between, I have been through hell. There were times when I just got tempted to withdraw from everybody and everything, but I chose to put a brave face.

In spite of it all, I am thankful for everything I've been through. I would like to believe that I am somehow stronger; still imperfect but better. I was able to see the people who proved their worth. I would always be grateful to those who stood by me.

December tried to compensate for the rest of the year. I wasn't really hoping for a wonderful 25th birthday or Christmas celebration, but surprisingly, I felt elated. Nothing spectacular transpired. I was just happy. The love people showed was overwhelming. It was enough to overpower the year-long feelings of hurt and disappointment.

I am truly blessed. I love you, December!

+/-

Although you were not permitted to, you managed to break through that sturdy barrier. Once you did, there was no turning back. Everything got exposed. You sensed the vulnerability and so you struck, offering promises you surely could not keep. Was she a fool for believing someone like you?

Plus points for your ego. A deficit for her pride.

Instead of grabbing the chance, you took it for granted. What was your ultimate goal for breaking in? It's damn too hard to decipher.

For a taste of pleasure, she becomes permanently scarred.

She is still picking up the pieces... slowly rebuilding what has been broken. Her scar is simply a reminder to keep moving forward and build something indestructible this time.

Trapdoor

Pride, too much of it or the lack thereof, is a killer. Acting like everything is under control sure is hard. When in eventuality, you're standing on a trapdoor. One move and you'll either escape or just free-fall into a cycle. And then it goes on.

If you're too scared to lose something good, how would you obtain what's better?

Maybe it's time you think about yourself for a change. Because if everything else is gone, who will you turn to?

Happiness is a choice

...

'nuff said.

A Realization

Life is such a freaking pain in the ass. It's so cruel to give you all the confusing elements you can live without. You take a peek. And when you finally embrace them and somehow get attached to them despite your initial hesitation, you get reminded that it's not yours to keep.

Nothing is indeed permanent; isn't it the reason behind death?

When sadness fills your life, you appreciate the people who care for you... love you... accept you... shower you with everything you need without having to ask, no questions asked. In spite of the pain that you feel, you move on.

..slowly.

Oh Cometh Lazy Bug

The unwelcome lazy bug has visited me again. Lurking these past few weeks, it finally invaded my boring hell of a life. No one's complaining, really. There's nothing to grumble about. Let it be. Nobody has ever died of piling work and unfinished tasks anyway.

Life hasn't been kind at all. Heck, I honestly don't give a damn. As I go on with the my hapless routine, I find peace in doing nothing. I somehow find comfort in allowing my mind to shut down, my eyes to stare blankly and my heart to be numb. Gonna free fall out into nothin’ as John Mayer says. Wise man. Precisely my sentiment.

There is a hint of delight somewhere, I'm not going to lie. Just like the uninvited lazy bug, it's slowly creeping in.